I have spent a lot of time dwelling on these thoughts over my journey here on this earth. I do know that every individual has been created for a very specific reason. I will admit, I am a bit of a people watcher. I am (rather....used to be) that lazy bum you see sitting on the bench at the mall observing people hurry by, wondering where the heck they are headed. Why are they at the mall? Are they buying a gift for someone they love? Returning a 'present' from a person who is anything but a friend? Have they found true love? Are they living out the dream of a lifetime?.....I could go on forever. You get my point.
However, my surveying of the masses has changed since becoming a special needs parent. My eye's are now drawn to Momma's in the crowd. I try to catch a glimpse of their eyes. You can tell a lot about a person if you look in their eyes. What I have seen is very interesting. I have noticed, we Momma's lower our gaze and forge ahead. If we dare look up and meet the eyeballs of an onlooker, (in the midst of trying to keep Peggy Sue's binky in, catch the bottle that is threatening to fall, hold the hand of 2 yo Jenny who wants a new toy from THAT store, feel around with one hand making sure the purse is still attached to my being....is that my cell ringing....lovingly reminding Johnny to pay attention to where he is walking, Momma is pushing the stroller and needs his help, and most of all petitioning God above to please let us leave this place without one more sensory overload meltdown) we break the eye contact as soon as possible. Why is that our response, I ask? Because the judgments of the staring population burn right through our insides. We are strong and amazing individuals. But when it comes to those passing judgments on our kiddos who they know nothing about, the Momma Bear is born. This creature is the most beautiful, mysterious, yet fierce animal you will ever meet. It is not something to be messed with. It makes up who we are. Momma's put every single ounce of their being into making sure that their beloved cubs are cared for, whether typical or special needs. We wear ourselves ragged and forget that WE have a purpose too. An amazing light has dawned on me recently. Here is my revelation- My dreams have changed since being on this journey. For example: I am anal about having a clean house, but in real life, my house is far from spotless. I would love to cook gourmet meals for my family, but I am more focused on making sure that GI issues won't arise from the meal I am placing on the table. The people I talk with most are my child's medical team, not my girlfriends. Please remind me, what is a date with the man I love? Sleep. Ummm yeah. Do I dare mention my daily appearance? Oh heavens.... that is for another time. It's ok to let those dreams change, grow, and adjust. It's not ok to let the person on the inside disappear. Just because that picture in your head has not become a reality doesn't mean that your purpose is null and void. It means that you have been called to a different position. One that not everyone gets the shot at. A life that, truth be told, most people don't want. I have met numerous people who say, 'You were given a handicapped child because you can handle it, I could never do what you do.' Oh, my friend, I beg to differ. I am an ordinary person, taking on this world just like you. I love my children, my husband and my life. Most of all, I am working hard to fulfill the mission that I was placed here to do...... to be the woman that has been 'Created BEAUTIFULLY Special.'
Welcome, my friend. Let's take this journey together.
No comments:
Post a Comment