Have you ever noticed when you are out and about, as you listen to conversations, that there are mommas 'wanting' their children to be diagnosed with some sort of disorder? It completely boggles my mind to hear individuals say they 'hope' that someone will say little Johnny has autism, or that something would get them a 'handicapped sticker', with a crass sort of giggle, because it's ridiculous at how far away they had to park. Being in medical offices during doctors appointments and therapies have left me with no shortage of these jaw dropping admissions that I hear caregivers say very flippantly.
Dear Momma...
(sitting across the room from me, too busy texting on your phone to realize that your child, who you think needs a diagnosis, is running outside into the parking lot WITH your keys in hand),
I don't know what world you live in and what you think, but the special needs journey with my girl has been no free ride by any stretch of the imagination. Let me tell you about what it's really like to have these diagnosis.
You see, more than likely, you will never get just ONE diagnosis. In our 6 short years on this path, we are at 20 diagnosis and still going. In truth, while the diagnosis is just a term, it is for life. There is a slim-to-none possibility that you will get a year into this lifestyle, decide its not much fun, and ask for them to 'remove' it. Living the life 24/7 will prove what you are made of in each aspect of your life. Your life as your 'own' diminishes the moment you give birth to any child, but when you become the primary caregiver of a special needs child, you can kiss any minute of 'freedom' good-bye. Why you ask? Because there are medical issues every single minute that you breathe. You are always waiting for a straw to break and land you in the hospital for days on end. Imagine a list of meds and administration times longer than your grocery list every day. Instead of calling your friends, you are calling the doctors, sometimes hourly and around the clock. Think about not being able to 'go out' because you need to save that gas in the car for your next emergency trip to the hospital, not to mention, there is no one who is trained, able, and/or willing to take over your duties to give you an hour to even sleep. Picture handing your child over for tests and surgeries to complete strangers while you sit and watch the clock move at a snails pace, not knowing if they will wake up the same lil person as when they fell asleep. And sleep... That is almost non-existent. Seriously. I am not exaggerating like some may say.
This is no cake walk. This is not for the faint of heart. However, any momma called to this journey can and will do it, because there is no choice. You give everything you have to make sure your child is happy and healthy... Whatever the cost.
Maybe you have seen the looks that we fellow special needs momma's give each other. I will tell you, it's true, there is a sisterhood that is beyond words. We all walk the halls of the hospital, the grocery store, and the school the same way. We look, hoping to meet the eyes of a momma who really understands. A fellow friend of heart who knows our fears, the pain, but also the triumphs and victories that will be won. We rarely say any words, but it's a bond. It's real. It's there. It's amazing.
I hope you understand that there are plenty of days I wish for my girl to be healed, to not have any pain, and to be able to just be a kid. That being said, I wouldn't trade her for anything! She is perfect because she is an unbelievable gift granted to her dad and I. I love her so much. She is a warrior and my hero. I am immensely blessed. So, dear Momma, before you wish anything upon yourself that you don't really understand, I would advise you to step back, love on that kiddo of yours, and count the blessings you don't even realize you have. Because truthfully, we all have so much to be grateful for and the grass only SEEMS greener on the other side.
Blessings,
From a Momma who cares <3
