Our Christmas Tree

Recently, I have been reading a couple of Inspirational Christian Authors with my devotions. (aka Elizabeth Elliott and MaryBeth Chapman) LOVE BOTH OF THEM! It puts a different perspective on the way I look at life. Man... we live in a broken world! So screwed up! But that doesn't meant that we have to live life in that fashion! So I was pondering things tonight as I putting up our 'Charlie Brown' Christmas Tree as my hubby says....

 I thought, 'I wonder what Jesus is thinking about my tree.... is it pointing others to Him? Can I teach my children about HIS birthday simply from our Christmas Tree?' He then began opening my eyes to the beautiful truth sitting in our Family Room. Now granted... these are items that I have collected since we got married. The Lord graciously showed me how HE orchestrated this amazing tree. 
First, it is done with Candy Canes, Stars, and Snowflakes in Red, White and Gold. 

Candy Canes~ Are for the shepherds staff as they kept watch over the flocks by night when the Angel appeared to them announcing Baby Jesus birth.(Luke 2:8)
Stars~ are what the wisemen followed to see their King. (Matthew 2)

Red~ is for His blood that was shed on calvary. (John 3:16)
White~ represents the promise of hope as we will be arrayed in fine white linen when He returns for us, His Bride. (Rev. !9)
Gold~ reminds us that these trials are but light afflictions as He knows the way that we take and is transforming us into Gold. (Job 23:10)
Snowflakes~ Every day, He washes us, cleanses us and sees us as clean as freshly fallen snow...when we are faithful to confess and ask for forgiveness. (1 John 1:9)

If our precious. loving, merciful God can plan out my little Christmas Tree from multiple trips to the Dollar Store over 8 Christmases to show the entire reason HE came to earth, then I must trust Him for everything in my life. He will be faithful. He is the omnipotent King who Reigns at every second of every day and one day, the King that EVERY SINGLE KNEE WILL BOW BEFORE. Yes, that is the Savior who died for you and for me and lives inside the heart of every believer. Pretty Amazing. This Christmas, make it about Him... there is nothing better than Him and only Him!

He is the One who CREATED EACH of us to be BEAUTIFULLY SPECIAL. You won't regret having Him as the best gift ever! 

Anyone still here?!

Wowsers Momma's! Long time, no write! How I miss writing. It really is a sweet time for this Momma to reflect.
 A lot has happened in the last few months! New docs, new jobs, new church, new twists and turns. But through it all, my Savior has been by my side. You know, one thing that always brings tears to my eyes is that even tho I fail Him time after time, He NEVER leaves or lets me go. Pretty amazing, Huh?
  So, Hello again. I am back. I am here. I am ready to go on this journey together knowing that we are all Created Beautifully Special in His image.

'Excuse Me. What did you just say?'

     Have you ever noticed when you are out and about, as you listen to conversations, that there are mommas 'wanting' their children to be diagnosed with some sort of disorder? It completely boggles my mind to hear individuals say they 'hope' that someone will say little Johnny has autism, or that something would get them a 'handicapped sticker', with a crass sort of giggle, because it's ridiculous  at how far away they had to park. Being in medical offices during doctors appointments and therapies have left me with no shortage of these jaw dropping admissions that I hear caregivers say very flippantly. 
  
Dear Momma...
      (sitting across the room from me, too busy texting on your phone to realize that your child, who you think needs a diagnosis, is running outside into the parking lot WITH your keys in hand),  


    I don't know what world you live in and what you think, but the special needs journey with my girl has been no free ride by any stretch of the imagination. Let me tell you about what it's really like to have these diagnosis. 
   You see, more than likely, you will never get just ONE diagnosis. In our 6 short years on this path, we are at 20 diagnosis and still going. In truth, while the diagnosis is just a term, it is for life. There is a slim-to-none possibility that you will get a year into this lifestyle, decide its not much fun, and ask for them to 'remove' it. Living the life 24/7 will prove what you are made of in each aspect of your life. Your life as your 'own' diminishes the moment you give birth to any child, but when you become the primary caregiver of a special needs child, you can kiss any minute of 'freedom' good-bye. Why you ask? Because there are medical issues every single minute that you breathe. You are always waiting for a straw to break and land you in the hospital for days on end. Imagine a list of meds and administration times longer than your grocery list every day. Instead of calling your friends, you are calling the doctors, sometimes hourly and around the clock. Think about not being able to 'go out' because you need to save that gas in the car for your next emergency trip to the hospital, not to mention, there is no one who is trained, able, and/or willing to take over your duties to give you an hour to even sleep. Picture handing your child over for tests and surgeries to complete strangers while you sit and watch the clock move at a snails pace, not knowing if they will wake up the same lil person as when they fell asleep. And sleep... That is almost non-existent. Seriously. I am not exaggerating like some may say.
      This is no cake walk. This is not for the faint of heart. However, any momma called to this journey can and will do it, because there is no choice. You give everything you have to make sure your child is happy and healthy... Whatever the cost. 
    Maybe you have seen the looks that we fellow special needs momma's give each other. I will tell you, it's true, there is a sisterhood that is beyond words. We all walk the halls of the hospital, the grocery store, and the school the same way. We look, hoping to meet the eyes of a momma who really understands. A fellow friend of heart who knows our fears, the pain, but also the triumphs and victories that will be won. We rarely say any words, but it's a bond. It's real. It's there. It's amazing. 
   I hope  you understand that there are plenty of days I wish for my girl to be healed, to not have any pain, and to be able to just be a kid. That being said, I wouldn't trade her for anything! She is perfect because she is an unbelievable gift granted to her dad and I. I love her so much. She is a warrior and my hero. I am immensely blessed. So, dear Momma, before you wish anything upon yourself that you don't really understand, I would advise you to step back, love on that kiddo of yours, and count the blessings you don't even realize you have. Because truthfully, we all have so much to be grateful for and the grass only SEEMS greener on the other side. 
   
 Blessings,
    From a Momma who cares <3

Bullying and The Special Needs Momma~Take 2

   Sorry if there was confusion today. I posted earlier, then retracted my post. Not because I didn't stand behind it, but because I was warned about others who took the same stance as I did, and were sued in court and investigated by CPS. This blog is is not more important than my kids whatsoever! Therefore, I chose to delete.
   It really gets under my skin. People discriminate against our special needs kiddos all the time yet we don't have the right to stand up and say ,'Hey! This isn't right', without the fear of being taken to court! After observing, researching, and looking into the issue of bullying, my jaw is continually on the floor.
   Statistics show that nearly 90% of special needs students are bullied or mistreated by their peers. NINETY PERCENT! Chances are, that in our lifetime, our child will experience bullying. Truth of the matter is, in our society, we all will be bullied at one time or another.
    Today, I have been boiling! Usually I take the 'kill them with kindness' approach. However, those have not been my sentiments as I look upon the world in which we live. Then tonight, as I was doing the dishes, something 'dawned' (no pun intended =D) on me. Instead of letting all of my frustration spew out on to you, creating a domino effect so that we all become this mob, carrying lighted torches and pitchforks, what if we take a different approach.
  How would I feel if my kiddos were sitting next to me, listening to me rant and rave to the people who I strongly dislike. Now, I'm not saying not to stand up for what you believe in, but to look at which the manner it is handled. If my children see me 'acting' like a bully, how do you think they will treat a person who they disagree with? Do you think they will pull out of thin air, 'Oh, I should let this person know my feelings in a calm, rational way'? No. They will remember Momma and her little temper tantrum to the lady who wouldn't listen! Momma's, we are the ones responsible for growing bullies. Now, take that with a grain of salt. Each of us has the opportunity to make this world a better place each day. Are we instilling that quality in our kids? Even when people are mean to us. How do we encourage them to treat others? I know that my anger is justified. I know the people that I am contact with are wrong. But two wrongs don't make a right....it just fuels the flames.
   My challenge to all of us is this. We are only here for a short time. Being a Momma is the most privileged, overwhelming, beautiful job there is. You have the ability to shape other human beings. How you react every minute of the day in front of your children will mold their little brains. They will more than likely do what you do..... especially if it's negative. Gotta love the 'mini-me's' on all of your failures!
   What if we started raising a generation that silences bullies. Not because our kids are louder, but because they are human beings that care about others. Bullies are mean to get an ego power trip. Why do these individuals need a power trip? Probably because at some point, someone has told them they are worthless, a nobody, a failure. How often do you praise your children? Tell them you love them? Show them that no matter what, you are there for them?
  We have the power to change the world, one person at a time. Maybe, just maybe, the special needs community could lead the way in showing those who do the bullying are the ones that truly need the help. Not our kids who are climbing mountains everyday.
  Now...to just put this into practice the next time someone treats my child as though she isn't worth their time or effort because she has different struggles than the 'normal' kid. Really? My child has medical issues that make her a warrior. Bullies..... they have challenges that probably are harder to overcome than anything my girl faces. It truly is a sad situation that so many find themselves in. Let's focus on growing people who can make a difference in this world....starting with you and me.
   This journey is not easy, and there are people that will make it more difficult just because they can. But let's remember the kids that we are fighting for. Look in to their eyes, soak up their love, and make them proud. After all, they are little angels that have changed our lives....for the better.
   Here's to you...my friend.

Stress and the Special Needs Momma

       Have you ever had one of those moments where your mouth falls open and you have to pick your jaw up off the floor? I had that very thing happen today. While I was having a rare 'spa moment'...let me clarify...I was at the chiropractor to have my neck put back in to place, my doctor, who I've seen for 15 years, says to me, 'You have stress in your life, don't you?'. I replied, 'Maybe a little.....'. He was pulling my chain. He knows what my life as a special needs parent consists of. Apparently, the areas in my body that were showing the most signs of needing attention were my neck, shoulders and head. Cue the tension headache. That leads me to address this area of 'stress' in our lives. Every single person has it. Let me make myself loud and clear. I know that the entire human race, special needs parent or typical parent, carries quite a load. Here, I want to focus on us special needs parents. To cover all the areas, lets break it down into sections.
     First stop, Physical Stress. There are so many different ways that we have to care for our kiddos. Everything from lifting, changing diapers, dressing, bathing, feedings, giving meds, fighting sensory meltdowns, learning new medical treatments, daily therapy regimens, extra laundry, countless appointments, hospital stays, the average 2-4 hours of sleep every night for years on end....and the list goes on. Our bodies show the wear and tear of this schedule being repeated day in and day out. It's inevitable! However, the duties that incur stress don't stop here.
    Let's move on to the Mental Stress. Please tell me I am not the only one whose brain NEVER stops. The thoughts at 1am.... 'I need to call Neurology in the morning to make sure that the Physical Medicine doc knows what the Developmental Pediatrician said yesterday.', 'I need to get that script moving for the Occupational Therapy.', 'Oh dear God, another surgery? Guess I should start taking care of....'. The 'To Do' list go on and on and on. We live and breathe the medical terms, diagnosis, meds, reactions, new docs, etc. We do things we don't even know we do! We are subconsciously watching every single move, breath, swallow, and diaper, because at any given moment, we will be thrown for another loop, be in the Emergency Room, and the doctor will want to know the minute by minute detail of the last 24 hours. That includes what our child does while sleeping.....
    How about the Emotional Stress? Yes, I will admit, I do cry in the shower. I try very hard to contain it there, because I don't want Boo to think I'm upset about her. Sometimes though, Momma needs a good cry. Let's face it, we are talking about life-threatening situations not just every now and then, but daily. Whether it's a serious medical crisis or a sensory meltdown that propels your child to run from you in the parking lot, your emotions and body are always on guard. Add in what other people think about what you are doing.... you might as well call it a day!
    Anyone have Marital Stress? First off, let me say that I absolutely adore my husband. I married the man because I not only love him, but I like the person he is. Yet, I am so drained by the time I get alone with him, that I come across grumpy and short because the only thing running through my mind is, 'Get me to my pillow so I can get just a little sleep'. In our 6 years of being parents, we have been alone maybe 4 nights. Usually, once we are completely alone, we zonk out! We are both so drained from the day in and day out of special needs caregiving, that we snuggle down in and saw logs! There are some areas that we try to do daily, weekly, monthly...  We try to laugh a little and tell each other, 'I Love You' every day. To know that even in the midst of this craziness, we are still important to the other. At night, when all is quiet... at 10p or 12a, we sit on the couch and snuggle to a comedic tv show. Something that takes our brains to a lighter level. We are working very hard at trying to get one meal a month, just the 2 of us. No kids, just the 2 of us on a ummmm....what is that? A DATE! Yes! Sorry, I still get butterflies.
    If you are like me, you also have other children who need a Momma too! They are just as important and need to be held, listened to, and encouraged. When the heck to you have time to clean, do laundry, grocery shop, weed the flower beds......my time is usually between 9:30p and 2a. When I want to be with my hubby or sleeping. See, you are not alone!!!!! It is a seemingly impossible situation that we live in!
   I want to take a second to chat with those of you who are on the outside looking in. Maybe you are a grandparent or a friend to someone who has a special little kiddo. I hear often that people don't know how to help or what to do. Listen to me loud and clear. It's little things that mean the world to us. Drop off a meal, but be sure to know if there are adjusted diets. Offer to come and clean the toilet, mop the floor, make the beds, fold some laundry, any little quick job that helps us 'feel' better. Give an hour of your time for whatever we may need. Send a card of encouragement. Call and see if there are some grocery items that need picked up. Run thru Starbucks and get Momma her favorite drink...odds are, we haven't had one in ages. Realize that we may not be able to talk on the phone due to our daily routine, but we thrive on adult conversations. Stop by, and just chat about something besides medical terms. We are still people on the inside that are getting buried by this life we live. In stopping by, please don't judge our house, appearance, or expect us to wait on you hand and foot. Our world never stops, so those around us need to be willing to hop on the 'treadmill' and walk a mile in our shoes. Most of us have no life outside of Special Needs. That is the truth. We are not ignoring you. We are simply immersed into giving our child(ren) the most normal life possible. Things that  the world takes for granted. Please, be understanding and for a moment, learn what it's like and put yourself in our position. We need you like you need us.
     Momma's, my doctor reminded me today, what we have all heard a million times. You can't give to those around you unless you have given to yourself. He encouraged me to take 5 minutes a day to recharge. Close your eyes and breathe. Read a chapter in a book. Pray. Paint your nails. Listen to a song. You have read those articles that talk about our stress levels being comparable to combat soldiers, right? Shaving somewhere between 5-15 years off of our life expectancy. You are worth this. Your family needs you. Start right now. Give yourself some air and remember, that you have been Created BEAUTIFULLY Special.
   
 

The Eyes That Stare....Stare......STARE.

   How do you react to the stares? The looks? The eyeballs piercing your very heart? Recently, I have had several occasions where I have been undone...almost to tears in public places.

      Example ONE: I remember, our last hospitalization, Boo and I were taking a walk. This was not an easy task mind you. We had the IV pole, the NG tube, and were on 'poo watch' from all the meds they were pumping her with. Not to mention her regular balance and vision issues. We didn't ever go far. Just enough to escape the room. We were moseying down a hallway and almost everyone we passed would look at us with those pained eyes, and I could hear them whisper, 'oh, that poor baby! Wonder what is wrong with her?', 'What a shame.' I felt angry and sad at the same time. Angry because these individuals were gawking at my child like some show. They could not stop staring. Sad because it was MY baby that people were dabbing their eyes over. Not one of them noticed that she was singing and smiling, they just noticed all the tubes and wires...yet she was happy to be out of her room walking and taking in the sights.
     
     EXAMPLE TWO: We were at the zoo a few weeks ago. A specifically bad day for Boo. She is getting to be a big girl, but for sensory reasons, she needed to be in the Graco stroller. It is clear that she has out grown the thing, but it was all we had. I was pushing her around. People were staring. I would try to get her as close to the exhibits as possible, since she has poor vision, and people would crowd in front of her with children who clearly needed some lessons in being polite. One lady literally pushed me out of the way and got in front. Then something happened. I had backed up and was sitting on a bench with Boo...trying to de-stress both of us when a Momma and a girl, about the same age as Boo, came into the exhibit. Both of them were wearing tshirts that clearly stated the 'diagnosis' that this family was battling but also advocating for. The waters of people parted, and the two of them were ushered to the front. My mouth dropped open! My first thought was, 'I need to get me some shirts!'. Followed quickly by, 'Wow, no one is even taking the time to look at us, because they would see that my girl needs assistance. NOT STARES, but just a little extra grace from the common people.' That sight has not left my brain.

   EXAMPLE THREE: We were at the mall shortly after Christmas exchanging an item. There were TONS of people, a huge amount of noise, lights, smells...you name it. I could see that this was not going to go as I had hoped. I knew this. However, daddy didn't have as much experience as this Momma. I kept saying that we needed to be extremely quick and may have to leave. He insisted we would all be fine. Told me to take a deep breath...which I did. He soon started to catch a glimpse when we were in the Apple Store and Boo threw a wireless mouse. Umm Yeah. Start activating evacuation route before we become 'buyers' instead of 'window shoppers'. I gave my the hubby the 'listen to me NOW' look. By the time we were leaving the store, Boo was into high pitched, blood curling scream. Out into the main area, I start pulling out my usual disaster aid. None of it is working one bit. People are fleeing from our little seating area with huffs and puffs, like we are interrupting their yoga sessions. Let me add...I am having a spa party myself with trying to hold a child that is 40 lbs, but might as well be 150lbs with all of the adrenaline flowing thru her veins! Daddy is now telling me to 'do something'. Usually, we are a really great team. But at that moment, I'm thinking, 'What do you THINK I am attempting to do?!' The crowd around us is growing. The STARES are piercing. I say, 'We need out of here pronto!' So Daddy grabs the other 2 kiddos and I clutch tightly to Boo. We hit  the escalator and Boo says, 'No Momma'. I calmly let her know that as soon as we are up that thing, we are outta here! She wouldn't have it though. Before I could blink my eyes, she bolted in the opposite direction. At that moment, my Momma Tiger jumps into action, (all 5 feet of me), and I catch her, throw her over my shoulder and start running up the escalator. I keep repeating, 'You are doing this Boo, You are doing this, We are almost there.' I turn around to see where the rest of my pack is and I see my hubby, holding our 2 others kids, with tears in his eyes. He has gotten the picture. The heartbreaking things that our girl deals with daily. His heart is crushed. I then start to tear up, but find out that should I continue doing so, Boo and I will not make it to the door because we will be in a heap on the floor. The instant we get into the fresh, outside air, I set her down. The others join us. We are all completely drained. Boo looks at Daddy and says, 'Sorry about that Hun', and gives him a huge hug. At that moment,  I knew the sensory meltdown was for a greater good. Daddy wasn't  just hearing about anymore, he had experienced  it. The 'Mall Trip' has forever changed his view on a few things...to me, that is priceless.

    All of us SN Momma's endure stares. It is a topic of conversations frequently. How do you deal with it? I know there are some families that give out business cards to 'starers'. Some have a little saying that they say quickly as they are leaving. I am still formulating my plan. The business cards seem like an interesting idea, because you can advocate with out saying a 'word'. God knows that if I started, I wouldn't shut up!

   To the STARING CROWD. Good lands, give us a break. We are not a freak show. We are not here for your entertainment. We are parents trying to help our children survive this world. According to the  Sensory Processing Disorder Working Group of Ben-Sasson 2009, 1 in 6 children suffer from a form of SPD that is due to a medical condition. Chances are, you will see a meltdown in progress.Your snide comments of, 'That child needs a good spanking' or 'That parent needs to get control of her' are NOT appreciated!!!! There are so many medical diagnosis that make it difficult for our kiddos to adapt to the outside world. Do you realize that on the inside, our children are just like you and me.
     In a good moment of clarity, my little girl will ask why YOU were starting at her? For your info, I do know what I'm doing. I spend more hours trying to communicate with my child than you do at your desk job. I will never get a vacation, because this is a life long process. And Yes, I would give my life for this child that I love with an unconditional love. I am not going to 'send' her away for treatment. I was hand picked by the Creator Himself to be her Momma and that's what I will do til the day I die. So the next time you feel like being an onlooker to a kiddo who is just trying to tell her Momma what she needs in a different fashion than you are used to, please, be a gem and put the eyeballs back in your head and be on your way. Maybe on your way by, offer a word of encouragement, because in our world, the STARES are all too common, and the 'Keep up the good work' is almost never heard.

   My last thought is each of us need to remember is no matter what the battle is we are facing, that we are Created BEAUTIFULLY Special and should treat others with the same respect. If you don't like little eyes staring at you while you are picking your nose, eating your dinner, or making a phone call, chances are, others don't appreciate the audience either.

  My fellow Momma's. Keep up the great work. You got this....don't ever give up. You were given this calling. Respond with everything you have inside of you. The paybacks are out of this world!

Blessings<3

You Are Not Alone

      Do you ever have a day when you think you aren't gonna beat this? THIS... the special needs life. The overwhelming and never ending appointments, phone calls, paperwork, meetings. That's not even the 'real' work. Let us not forget the little kiddo who holds our Momma's heart. The one that we attempt to move heaven and earth for!!!!
     I truly try to be an optimistic person. I attempt to see things from multiple points of view. But there are some days that I really want to let people have it! For example, the ladies who stare at my child in the store while my girl is experiencing a sensory meltdown or the insurance company that loses my documents and acts like its an inconvenience to wait on ME to send it again. Let's not forget the school administrators who don't even have kids, let alone deal with the special needs kiddos, IEP's, ETR's..... and should be removed from their position. Am I the only one who has family members that are positive they can handle the entire situation better and are waiting for you to screw up bad enough that they may actually get a shot? Today is one of those days....don't you dare cross me.
    I don't want this post to be 'Oh poor pitiful me'. I want this 'therapy writing' of mine to let you know that you aren't alone on this journey. When you feel like you are isolated, tired, and have no more to give, remember there is a sisterhood all over the world fighting tooth and nail to make sure that their child is receiving the best possible care. When you are up in the middle of the night, contemplating another ER run and dreading that you won't get the treatment needed, you are not alone. The next time you get punched in the gut with another impending diagnosis, treatment, or daily living adjustment, you are not alone. When you head to the shower for the first time in 3 days only to melt into a puddle of tears, you are not alone.
   I know I may catch some grief about 'Well at least your child is still living'. Yes. I am very grateful to be able to hold my 'Boo' everyday. But I am being honest. Being a Momma is just about the hardest job out there...if not the hardest. You add special needs to the mix and let me tell you, there is never a moment when your mind stops. That continual mindset will wear your body down. I am so weary of people looking at our community and telling us to suck it up! Really? We are not complaining. We are simply stating that this is hard and we are imperfect. As much as we would like to think we are 'SuperMomma's'....(and we are to an extent)... we aren't invincible. We need help. We need support. We need to know that we aren't alone.
   I wish I could look each of you in the eye and tell you 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE'. As you walk this path, keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to admit the truth...whatever that is. Today, it may be that you need help with certain tasks. Tomorrow,  you may need to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are doing a great job. Whatever the day brings, I encourage you to send this message to each fellow SN Momma you know :

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Wishing you a moment of peace as you read this and the knowledge that a heart beats the same as yours, in this sisterhood 'Created BEAUTIFULLY Special'.

The Necessary Evils

      This week had one of those 'Must Do, But Really Don't To' tasks. Our girl's, (I will refer to as 'Boo'),  Educational Team Report or 'ETR', a set of evaluations that are required by the school at the beginning of preschool and then are repeated again at the transition into kindergarten. I dread these meetings for a number of reasons. For one, it causes me to look directly at the negatives reminding me that she is very behind. I remember sitting at her last ETR Meeting 3 years ago (HOLY MOLY! time flies!!!) and setting goals, dreaming of where she'd be after all of the intense therapy that the school and doctors were recommending.
     In my head, I know that she has come leaps and bounds in the last 3 years. She can now write and an 'L', the first letter in her name, 80% of the time. She can sort objects like food and animals into the appropriate pile. She has achieved riding the scooter ALL by herself!  She can catch a ball, walk up and down the stairs, turn the T.V. on and off with the remote, dance herself silly...quite the accomplishments for our Boo considering the Doctors said she would be in a vegetative state her whole life!
      Now, for the areas she is lacking. She cannot identify colors, letters, shapes, etc, which are the necessary building blocks for her to advance in the area of academics. She is  unable to pedal with her feet on a tricycle or play age appropriate games with her peers. All of her daily living skills (i.e. dressing, bathing, eating) need assistance from an adult. Big girl panties are no where in the foreseeable future. Her knowledge of danger is limited. The forms of communication are only interpreted by those who are around her most of the time. The list is continued....
     Hospitalizations are always looming. Therapies get cancelled, moved around, rescheduled, you name it. Therefore we work extra hard at home non stop. That is what this special needs life requires.
    As I sit and stare at the mounds of paper work, lists of phone calls to make, and the upcoming appts on the horizon, looming tests.... I close my eyes. Do you know what dances across my vision?  A beautiful, amazing, smiling little girl. A girl who doesn't believe what the professionals say, what the test results are, or how she appears to others. She is too focused on beating the odds and just being HER! Which is an incredible feat if you ask me.
     Are you a Momma to one of these special gifts? There are so many moments when we must look at the charts, statistics, diagnosis, progress reports, prescriptions, therapies, etc. We need to take more time to put all of that aside and look at this soul, this heart, this person in front of us who is one of the most tender and beautiful creations ever made. To make more moments of praise, of celebration, because we know all too well, that tomorrow is not promised. As grown ups, we have responsibilities that we can't neglect, I understand that completely. In all the hustle and bustle of our frantic lives, may we never forget to take advantage of every single moment that may bring a smile to that precious face that we fight for with each breath we breathe. What an honor to be able to be called Momma by one that was 'Created Beautifully Special'.

The Purpose of YOU!

        Do you ever wonder why you were put on this earth? Are the tasks that you do e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e day really worth while? What does the purpose of ones life truly embody?

      I have spent a lot of time dwelling on these thoughts over my journey here on this earth. I do know that every individual has been created for a very specific reason. I will admit, I am a bit of a people watcher. I am (rather....used to be) that lazy bum you see sitting on the bench at the mall observing people hurry by, wondering where the heck they are headed. Why are they at the mall? Are they buying a gift for someone they love? Returning a 'present' from a person who is anything but a friend? Have they found true love? Are they living out the dream of a lifetime?.....I could go on forever. You get my point.  

     However, my surveying of the masses has changed since becoming a special needs parent. My eye's are now drawn to Momma's in the crowd. I try to catch a glimpse of their eyes. You can tell a lot about a person if you look  in their eyes. What I have seen is very interesting. I have noticed, we Momma's lower our gaze and forge ahead. If we dare look up and meet the eyeballs of an onlooker, (in the midst of trying to keep Peggy Sue's binky in, catch the bottle that is threatening to fall, hold the hand of 2 yo Jenny who  wants a new toy from THAT store, feel around with one hand making sure the purse is still attached to my being....is that my cell ringing....lovingly reminding Johnny to pay attention to where he is walking, Momma is pushing the stroller and needs his help, and most of all petitioning God above to please let us leave this place without one more sensory overload meltdown)  we break the eye contact as soon as possible. Why is that our response, I ask? Because the judgments of the staring population burn right through our insides. We are strong and amazing individuals. But when it comes to those passing judgments on our kiddos who they know nothing about, the Momma Bear is born. This creature is the most beautiful, mysterious, yet fierce animal you will ever meet. It is not something to be messed with. It makes up who we are. Momma's put every single ounce of their being into making sure that their beloved cubs are cared for, whether typical or special needs. We wear ourselves ragged and forget that WE have a purpose too. An amazing light has dawned on me recently. Here is my revelation- My dreams have changed since being on this journey. For example: I am anal about having a clean house, but in real life, my house is far from spotless. I would love to cook gourmet meals for my family, but I am more focused on making sure that GI issues won't arise from the meal I am placing on the table. The people I talk with most are my child's medical team, not my girlfriends. Please remind me, what is a date with the man I love? Sleep. Ummm yeah. Do I dare mention my daily appearance? Oh heavens.... that is for another time. It's ok to let those dreams change, grow, and adjust. It's not ok to let the person on the inside disappear. Just because that picture in your head has not become a reality doesn't mean that your purpose is null and void. It means that you have been called to a different position. One that not everyone gets the shot at. A life that, truth be told, most people don't want. I have met numerous people who say, 'You were given a handicapped child because you can handle it, I could never do what you do.' Oh, my friend, I beg to differ. I am an ordinary person, taking on this world just like you. I love my children, my husband and my life. Most of all, I am working hard to fulfill the mission that I was placed here to do...... to be the woman that has been 'Created BEAUTIFULLY Special.'

    Welcome, my friend. Let's take this journey together.