The Eyes That Stare....Stare......STARE.

   How do you react to the stares? The looks? The eyeballs piercing your very heart? Recently, I have had several occasions where I have been undone...almost to tears in public places.

      Example ONE: I remember, our last hospitalization, Boo and I were taking a walk. This was not an easy task mind you. We had the IV pole, the NG tube, and were on 'poo watch' from all the meds they were pumping her with. Not to mention her regular balance and vision issues. We didn't ever go far. Just enough to escape the room. We were moseying down a hallway and almost everyone we passed would look at us with those pained eyes, and I could hear them whisper, 'oh, that poor baby! Wonder what is wrong with her?', 'What a shame.' I felt angry and sad at the same time. Angry because these individuals were gawking at my child like some show. They could not stop staring. Sad because it was MY baby that people were dabbing their eyes over. Not one of them noticed that she was singing and smiling, they just noticed all the tubes and wires...yet she was happy to be out of her room walking and taking in the sights.
     
     EXAMPLE TWO: We were at the zoo a few weeks ago. A specifically bad day for Boo. She is getting to be a big girl, but for sensory reasons, she needed to be in the Graco stroller. It is clear that she has out grown the thing, but it was all we had. I was pushing her around. People were staring. I would try to get her as close to the exhibits as possible, since she has poor vision, and people would crowd in front of her with children who clearly needed some lessons in being polite. One lady literally pushed me out of the way and got in front. Then something happened. I had backed up and was sitting on a bench with Boo...trying to de-stress both of us when a Momma and a girl, about the same age as Boo, came into the exhibit. Both of them were wearing tshirts that clearly stated the 'diagnosis' that this family was battling but also advocating for. The waters of people parted, and the two of them were ushered to the front. My mouth dropped open! My first thought was, 'I need to get me some shirts!'. Followed quickly by, 'Wow, no one is even taking the time to look at us, because they would see that my girl needs assistance. NOT STARES, but just a little extra grace from the common people.' That sight has not left my brain.

   EXAMPLE THREE: We were at the mall shortly after Christmas exchanging an item. There were TONS of people, a huge amount of noise, lights, smells...you name it. I could see that this was not going to go as I had hoped. I knew this. However, daddy didn't have as much experience as this Momma. I kept saying that we needed to be extremely quick and may have to leave. He insisted we would all be fine. Told me to take a deep breath...which I did. He soon started to catch a glimpse when we were in the Apple Store and Boo threw a wireless mouse. Umm Yeah. Start activating evacuation route before we become 'buyers' instead of 'window shoppers'. I gave my the hubby the 'listen to me NOW' look. By the time we were leaving the store, Boo was into high pitched, blood curling scream. Out into the main area, I start pulling out my usual disaster aid. None of it is working one bit. People are fleeing from our little seating area with huffs and puffs, like we are interrupting their yoga sessions. Let me add...I am having a spa party myself with trying to hold a child that is 40 lbs, but might as well be 150lbs with all of the adrenaline flowing thru her veins! Daddy is now telling me to 'do something'. Usually, we are a really great team. But at that moment, I'm thinking, 'What do you THINK I am attempting to do?!' The crowd around us is growing. The STARES are piercing. I say, 'We need out of here pronto!' So Daddy grabs the other 2 kiddos and I clutch tightly to Boo. We hit  the escalator and Boo says, 'No Momma'. I calmly let her know that as soon as we are up that thing, we are outta here! She wouldn't have it though. Before I could blink my eyes, she bolted in the opposite direction. At that moment, my Momma Tiger jumps into action, (all 5 feet of me), and I catch her, throw her over my shoulder and start running up the escalator. I keep repeating, 'You are doing this Boo, You are doing this, We are almost there.' I turn around to see where the rest of my pack is and I see my hubby, holding our 2 others kids, with tears in his eyes. He has gotten the picture. The heartbreaking things that our girl deals with daily. His heart is crushed. I then start to tear up, but find out that should I continue doing so, Boo and I will not make it to the door because we will be in a heap on the floor. The instant we get into the fresh, outside air, I set her down. The others join us. We are all completely drained. Boo looks at Daddy and says, 'Sorry about that Hun', and gives him a huge hug. At that moment,  I knew the sensory meltdown was for a greater good. Daddy wasn't  just hearing about anymore, he had experienced  it. The 'Mall Trip' has forever changed his view on a few things...to me, that is priceless.

    All of us SN Momma's endure stares. It is a topic of conversations frequently. How do you deal with it? I know there are some families that give out business cards to 'starers'. Some have a little saying that they say quickly as they are leaving. I am still formulating my plan. The business cards seem like an interesting idea, because you can advocate with out saying a 'word'. God knows that if I started, I wouldn't shut up!

   To the STARING CROWD. Good lands, give us a break. We are not a freak show. We are not here for your entertainment. We are parents trying to help our children survive this world. According to the  Sensory Processing Disorder Working Group of Ben-Sasson 2009, 1 in 6 children suffer from a form of SPD that is due to a medical condition. Chances are, you will see a meltdown in progress.Your snide comments of, 'That child needs a good spanking' or 'That parent needs to get control of her' are NOT appreciated!!!! There are so many medical diagnosis that make it difficult for our kiddos to adapt to the outside world. Do you realize that on the inside, our children are just like you and me.
     In a good moment of clarity, my little girl will ask why YOU were starting at her? For your info, I do know what I'm doing. I spend more hours trying to communicate with my child than you do at your desk job. I will never get a vacation, because this is a life long process. And Yes, I would give my life for this child that I love with an unconditional love. I am not going to 'send' her away for treatment. I was hand picked by the Creator Himself to be her Momma and that's what I will do til the day I die. So the next time you feel like being an onlooker to a kiddo who is just trying to tell her Momma what she needs in a different fashion than you are used to, please, be a gem and put the eyeballs back in your head and be on your way. Maybe on your way by, offer a word of encouragement, because in our world, the STARES are all too common, and the 'Keep up the good work' is almost never heard.

   My last thought is each of us need to remember is no matter what the battle is we are facing, that we are Created BEAUTIFULLY Special and should treat others with the same respect. If you don't like little eyes staring at you while you are picking your nose, eating your dinner, or making a phone call, chances are, others don't appreciate the audience either.

  My fellow Momma's. Keep up the great work. You got this....don't ever give up. You were given this calling. Respond with everything you have inside of you. The paybacks are out of this world!

Blessings<3